Disclaimer: This post is neither from a doctor, nor from a running coach. It’s pretty much a confession and my way of rediscovering myself, if any is left any more.

Sometimes looking at the mirror, seeing who and what you’ve become, the monster you hated in others, can be so tough. The only solution is to burn yourself down to ashes, and no lesser. Hoping, just maybe, you’ll rise as one who you were supposed to be. All you’ve stood for, you’ve messed up because of your ego and selfishness. No, there are no excuses. And yes, it’s difficult to accept how low you’ve gone.

In the movie ‘4 minute mile’ there is a scene that most who run wouldn’t be able to relate to. But my relationship with running is what it is for this kid in the movie. It means everything. The protagonist’s coach nudges him to face that fear.

“You got somethin'. You got... You got somethin' in here (heart). It's so deep in there, and you gotta beat it. You gotta face that fear. You GOT to, because if you don't, you're gonna be me, and, buddy, you don't want that. But if you do - and I don't care if you never run another race in your life - because if you DO face that fear, it'll change your life. I promise you. It's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but you gotta do it.

Oh, you gotta do it. And then you'll be able to push right through the pain. You'll go right through the door.

And when you're about ready to pass out and your legs can't move and your lungs can't breathe and your eyes can't see, you'll know that it's just the beginning, and it's so beautiful. It's beautiful. That's all I've been tryin' to teach you. Okay?”

That’s a simple enough plan.

I’ll never be able to forgive myself for more things than I can count, but this… takes the prize. Running, come on gorgeous, let us freaking burn.

20 in 2 from 20 to 20

Starting from 20.2.2020, I’ll be running 20 kms in under 2 hrs every day till 20.3.2020. That doesn’t mean I’ll not give my best. Each day the plan would be not to have anything left in the tank. To pass out. Possibly do 1:30 if I can.

Running and I have a totally different relationship than most would have with theirs. It has unconditionally stood by me, rather run with me for last three and a half decades. It has helped be rediscover myself, time and again, going through the deepest and darkest crevices and fissures of my mind. This time there are new abysses to get to.
Most wouldn’t understand what I am trying to do and why am I sharing, but I work best with such things when I tell the world about my crazy plans, then there is no turning back.

See you folks on the other side.

Below is the full movie 4 minute mile. Not sure why it’s called The Athletic Boy and why is the thumbnail of a scene from the swimming pool, but why not!

Below are comments from running buddies, some concerned, some excited.

Vikram: Good one doc. Are u going to do 20k everyday for 1month? When you don’t recommend streak running, why are you doing it doc?

Me: To burn.

Vikram: Sorry don’t understand. Also aren’t u then recommending the same by you doing it.

Me: I am saying that I'll try to kill myself. No, that's not recommended.

Vikram: When many follow your advice, why do it doc?

Me: This one isn’t advice. I had to put it out there that I’m not necessarily what people think I am. I’m just human and worse.

Vikram: I point to you when people want to try streak running stunts. Now they will turn the tables on me.

Me: For majority I agree with what you are saying. But we all are different and if someone has a running foundation like me, I have no issues with such activities for them.

Amit: Sir As far as I understand you and as I read about you... You don't believe to run with such a high milage daily. You believe in strengthening the muscles and to give rest days to recover. And when you told that you are doing it... Mujhe thoda ajeeb laga. This article has given some sense. But still I need to understand it more.

Rajat: Amit... idea is to burn yourself. To go to the end. And maybe come out a different person. High intensity meditation.

Amit: But it needs a totally different mindset to understand this message. Not like typical runner.

Rajat: It’s almost like Agni Pariksha.

Amit: Yes actually in today's world many of the runners just do... Run run & run with minimum maintenance of the body & thinking. Whereas we should understand to be good runner... There are many other things we need to consider & follow.